Advice from a Novice

I'm six or seven books into my educational tour of crime fiction. I'm learning a lot. It's still the best homework ever.

Here's a list of some of the notes I've taken so far on what works and what doesn't in the books I've read. This is completely subjective. And as the title points out, it's a list of how-tos from somebody that hasn't. But I heard those monkeys were getting closer to re-creating Hamlet. If they can do that, I can give whatever advice I want!

1. Cut the pronouns. Lee Child is a master of this. You don't read about Reacher, "He found the door ajar. He pushed it open cautiously. He looked around." That's clumsy. Instead you read "He found the door ajar. Pushed it open cautiously. Looked around." Short, declarative sentences win the day.
2. Have a ticking clock. Yes, it was cheesy on 24. And yes, I'm speaking figuratively. The story has to have an impetus to move the characters to immediate action. Nobody wants to read about detective Will Solveitsomeday when they can read about captain Urgent Matters.
3. Decide on one familiar name per character. And stick with it. Nothing is worse that having the author switch between a character's first name, last name, pet name, nick name, rank, etc. Book characters don't have faces. We count on names for recognition. Don't confuse the reader.
4. Don't use dialogue as a plot mover. If the words coming from your character's mouth feel like you've extracted them to move along the story, revise. Readers notice.
5. Don't be afraid to cut. Be ruthless with your own work. I've just decided to chop off a 5,000+ word chapter. It doesn't advance the story, I don't come back to the characters. I can find a more effective use for that space (I think)
6. Don't be heavy handed with your opinion. If your character thinks his boss is a bafoon, you would do better to have the boss act as such and let the reader surmise than have the character state it. This also goes back to showing vs. telling.

The best advice of course is to do what I'm doing; read. Find what you do and don't like and work your manuscript accordingly.

Best of luck. I need it.

Oh, good luck to you too!

The Thigh Bone's Connected to the...Popcorn?

I don't usually watch commercials. The DVR has mercifully removed them from my tv routine. But every now and then if the tv is on in the background and my thumb is not glued to the fast forward button a few of the weasels manage to slip in. Which is ok. Because my backup is a well developed shield of indifference. I could care less what's being hawked. So the only time I take notice is when the volume goes inexplicably loud (thank you, congress, for fixing this) or something comes on that is so mind numbingly stupid I have to pay attention.

This is the story of a stupid commercial.

It starts with a man staring perplexed at a deep fried globe between his thumb and forefinger. The voice-over comes in with, "What part of the chicken is nugget?".

I'm with them here. Have you seen the mechanically separated slop that is a chucked nugget before the forming and frying? No? Then today is your special day:

It sort of looks like the end result of an elephant given a few gallons of Pepto Bismol to no avail.

We have forsworn chicken nuggets in our house. I prefer my meat product to possess the vague physical form of an animal. Now we eat Morning Star Chick'n Nuggets. Did you catch the replacement of the "I" with the apostrophe? That means they're soy. And actually very tasty. But I digress.

Next comes the assertion that, "We're KFC. Our cooks don't make nuggets, they make popcorn chicken!"

Excuse me? Exactly what part of the chicken is the POPCORN? I'm not writing this as a detached reflection. I'm recounting my immediate reaction. This is what I yelled--screamed--at my tv. How many stupid people did that line have to pass through on its way to my living room?

The commercial goes on to detail that popcorn chicken is in fact small pieces of the most premium breast meat (or the scraps left over from the larger pieces of their maltreated poultry, you decide which is more likely). But I'm no longer listening. I'm still trying to figure out just what part of a chicken is the popcorn.

I still have no idea.

You can watch the commercial here

A Witness Above

I've been neglectful in my posting. Almost as though I'm trying to read a large number of books in a short period of time while managing a job, a family, and my own manuscript revisions (ok--thoughts of revisions).

Since my last post I've read Janet Evanovich's first Stephanie Plum novel, One for the Money. If you're a fan of Robert B. Parker and you haven't read Ms. Evanovich you're missing out. It's almost like reading a female Spenser. In a word, hilarious.

Much like my previous post I feel the frontrunner doesn't need my compliments overflowing their plate. So let me focus on a novel I just completed by a writer with a bright future.

A Witness Above is Andy Straka's debut crime novel. It's almost a decade old, and he's written several more since. The protagonist is Frank Pavlicek, a discredited former NYPD detective living out his mundane life as a Private Investigator in a small West Virginia town, consoling himself from the deterioration of his family with his love for falconry.

The description of Pavlicek I've just given makes him sound damned depressing. He's not. Straka takes us quickly through the events leading him to where he is when the story begins, and fills us in on more of the backstory as we go along.

The plot itself involves a dead drug dealer discovered by Pavlicek, and his teenage daughter's implication in the crime. As the thread unravels there is deceit and uncertainty in droves. I had only fleeting suspicions of the ending before it came. This is much to Straka's credit. I don't expect to be kept in suspense of whodunnit, but of the resolution. When I get both I'm very pleased.

There were some moments where the dialogue felt pushed, like it was moving to serve the story and not true to the characters. But there were also some very entertaining exchanges, and by the end I was ready to read move about Frank Pavlicek.

I hope you all take a look. Mr. Straka deserves it.

Next up, The Kotov Syndrome by Russell Blake. It's free on iBooks and I'm in between trips to the library. Perfect combo.

After that I hope to get my hands on a copy of Antler Dust, by Mark Stevens. I swear I reserved a copy from the library, but now a search for the book and author comes back with nothing! Guess I'll try Amazon.

I'm still open to recommendations. Tweet me.